Check it out

I found an old blog of mine. It's funny, if I do say so myself.

http://therzreport.blogspot.com/

Wait for it

I hereby declare, by the power vested by me, that the phrase "wait for it" is officially dead. As evidenced by its inclusion in an article published in the New York Post on Sunday, February 1, the year of our lord (well, your lord) 2009. Goodbye and good luck, wait for it.

A Friend Indeed

A friend got me a great bday present. It was a gift bag filled with packs of gum. Wasn't that sweet? I'm up to my balls in gum and loving it. G-d forbid McDonald's gets jealous of how popular my blog is and tries to sue me for using their verbiage. Which they can't do anyway.

So now I just sit in my apartment and chomp away. I might not be working, but my jaw sure is.

You Bet Your Sweet Minty

Not only do I love the flavor of this gum, I love the name: Sweet Mint. It sounds like something sexist a boss might have said to his secretary 40 years ago. "Adele, get your sweet mint in here and bring your pad. I have some dictation for you." That dirty bird!

F Facebook

I hate Facebook. I hate looking up people from high school and seeing them posing with their families. I hate the wall with the cutesy-wutesy updates like so and so is thinking of moving to Ibiza, so and so is cranky, so and so is...narcissistic?? How about that?

It's a special kind of torture spending time on Facebook.

Guess what, idiots? In a year, there will be something else you'll have to join and you will.

I thought yesterday it would be funny to send out an email that I've joined Friendster and ask everybody to be my friend on that.

I am getting my period and that makes everything seem worse. You know what makes things better?

Women Are The Worst

You know what I mean?

Dancing With The "Stars"

If someone had told me 10 years ago that one of the highest-rated TV shows in 2008 would be a ballroom dance competition show with Cloris Leachman, Susan Lucci and Toni Braxton, I'd start giggling like someone was tickling me. What? When it first came on, it reminded me of a show my grandmother might have watched, but that would've been on Saturday at 7:30pm from a station in New Jersey, not 2 nights a week prime time on ABC.

On the other hand, when I was kid, they had cheesy specials like Battle of the Network Stars which I loved loved loved. Except that came on once a year and featured the hottest people of the moment, not desperados needing a career boost.

I can't make up my mind if this proves that TV is changing forever or not.